Blog Post

Coping with Isolation during Ramadan

Apr 20, 2020

Ways of dealing with isolation during Ramadan

Coping with Isolation during Ramadan


For many of us Ramadhan is as much a social time as it is a spiritual one. Memories of Ramadhans passed, help us to construct traditions unique to every family. In our house, one such tradition, born in the hot Ramadhan months of recent past years, was the making of mouth-watering smoothies every evening. The peeling of the fruit, the smells of sweet oranges and the in-season strawberries, together with the whizz of the blender were laced, not only with excitement for the forthcoming rush to our taste buds, but also with a nostalgic glance back to the last few summers when Ramadhan was in the school holidays.


Collective memory, Dr Robert Lee Miller suggests is a means to express common family identity. There is no doubt that our shared memories of Ramadhan, not only reinforce our family identity but our religious ones too. As a revert, there have been no traditions passed down to me, and for the first 12 years of our family life, there was no masjid close by, few friends to share the experience with nor internet access with which to listen to uplifting spiritual reminders. Yet, as Ramadhan 2020 approaches, I cannot help feeling the unsaid, collective mourning of our Ramadhans of the past: This year we will not witness the scurry of children delivering food to neighbours just before Magreb; the knowing glances between colleagues at work when the hunger and thirst kicks in; the family iftars! The children’s friends’ iftar! The masjid iftars! What joyous occasions they are! And, of course, the Taraweeh prayers. The highest of spiritual moments.


As I wonder how we will cope with our loss of family and community rituals during Ramadhan 2020, I cannot help but hear the quraan echoing in my mind ‘And leave those who take their religion as amusement and diversion...’ (6:70). It makes me stop. Is that me? Have I become diverted by the more social aspects of our beautiful religion? As the Muslim identity has become more under attack in recent years, have  I clung on to Islamic social rituals as a means of comfort and a source of strength? As difficulties in close relationships arise (as they do!), have I sought refuge in the comforting relationships of friends, of the masjid, of community projects? Have I replaced my attachment to Allah with attachment to other Muslims? Uncomfortable questions.


After 14 days of self-isolation, despite my worries about things I can’t change, an overwhelming sense of calm has descended. Now that the pace of life has slowed down (what were we rushing about for?) the immensity of the situation reminds me that I have to focus on what I can change. As the amazing woman who ran the post-natal depression classes I attended over 15 years ago said – if you always do what you did, you will always get what you always got! And I can’t help but think, ISOLATION, as hard as it is, has given me the time to exercise mindfulness in everything I do. Mindfulness in the words I say, mindfulness in how the other person is feeling, mindfulness of the repeated conversations that never go the way I wish.


We know that our ummah is in crisis, actually our whole world is in crisis. We have not been called to action in the cities nor the countryside but rather we have been told to stay at home. I cannot help but think this has been divinely decreed for a reason: There is a greater wisdom in the whole world being told to stay at home. Change begins within the home. Change begins within the individual. We are so used to appealing to our governments for change (a top-down approach) but actually, maybe we got this wrong. We need to start from the bottom-up. It is not the ones who outwardly look powerful that hold the key to change it is us, the weak ones. Are not some of the greatest sahabah, the ones deemed the most wretched and weak by the Meccan society at that time?


Our Islamic tradition tells us consistency in any good action is the best way to succeed. So, when we find a new way of doing things, be it in our approach to our children that just don’t ever seem to listen, or in an attempt to break the pattern of misunderstanding with our spouses, let us never give up! Stranded in our houses, we have little alternative this year but to spend time with our closest family members. Despite the strain, the annoying habits, the frustrations and repeated mistakes let us never give up! Ramadhan 2020 could be the start of something amazing!

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